This past weekend was a big test for me in many ways. Firstly, I got on a plane to go to Weipa and as you all know, I’m not a big fan of flying. In fact, when I left 6 years ago I was so excited that I’d never have to get on that flight again if I didn’t want to. Trouble is, I wanted to. Well not the fight specifically but my sister still lives there and I wanted to see her and go to her birthday party and it’s a bloody long drive so I had to put my fears aside and just do it. And I did, even though I was sick and the kids were sick, and I hated leaving them, and I wanted to cancel so many times. But I still did it. And lived to tell the tale.
Then there was the party itself. I had myself worked into such an anxious state about it because even though I was going in with a clear intention not to drink alcohol or overeat, it’s exactly the kind of situation where I’ve found it almost impossible to control myself in the past. I would love to have been able to have a few drinks and relax and enjoy myself with everyone else and it’s not even about the drinking, it’s about the loss of control that comes with it. As soon as I have a couple of drinks I know I won’t be able to resist indulging in all that party food and before I know it I’ve eaten and drank a weeks worth of kj’s in one night. Then comes the guilt the next day, not to mention the hangover which only makes me want to eat more crap. But this time I was strong. In a seemingly impossible situation I remained strong. It was tough, but for some reason I had it in my head that If I could make it though this weekend without giving in to temptation, then I can do anything. I mean, seriously, if I can fly to another town, while I’m sick, just to go to a party then not even indulge and relax enough to really enjoy myself is there anything I can’t do? So yeah, right now I’m feeling pretty fucking invincible.