February

We’re already 1/4 of the way through February (whaaaaat?) so I thought I should finally get around to posting my goals for the month.

  1. Journal daily – A few months ago I bought myself a gorgeous journal that has been decorating my bedside table ever since, so I’ve made a commitment to actually using it every day this month. Not only is it an awesome tool for venting frustrations and figuring out the hows and why’s, more importantly it will help me see patterns of behaviour around eating, emotions and hormones.
  2. Meditate more – Again, a few months ago, I started meditating daily and it was amazing. My sleep was better (because I usually did it right before bed) and it helped immensely with my stress levels too. But somehow during the chaos of life meditating got thrown in the too hard basket. This month I’ve pulled it back out and while I haven’t done it every day, most days so far I’ve found at least 10 minutes just to sit and centre myself and it feels amazing.
  3. Continue current exercise regime – I’m happy with where I’m at exercise wise so I’m just going to keep on keeping on. The past couple of months have included extra monthly exercise challenges which have been fun but I’m going to give them a miss for Feb and just stay the course.
  4. Track food – this is not a decision I made lightly. Last month I decided to ditch the regimented tracking because it had become just another obsessive behaviour. I would enter everything in at the beginning of every day carefully planning out my macros and food down to the last calorie and panicking at the thought of not meeting those goals. Then when I didn’t it would trigger a ‘failure’ which more than likely included binge eating my way though the pantry and all the feeling of failure and guilt that come with that. But I learned last month that while I don’t want to obsess over it, I still need it to some degree so I’m bringing back.
  5. Keto every day – as at the 1st of Feb I’ve embarked on a 100 days of Keto Challenge. Keto my way that is. I’m not adhering to anyone elses set of rules about what I can and cannot have. With all of the carb binging over the past few months I’ve probably screwed up my fat adaption and I think this will be a good way to fix it. I’m not saying, no alcohol, or no sweeteners or no processed foods because I know that kind of restriction will lead to binges. I’m just committing to keeping it keto. To me right now, that is sticking to 30g or less net carbs per day with a weekly carb up of up to 50g net carbs if I feel the need.
  6. Be kind to myself – we could all use a little bit of extra self love. I’m finding the journaling and meditating are really helping with my sense of self acceptance and forgiveness and it feels so incredibly freeing.

So there you have it. One week down, three to go and I’m in the best frame of mind I’ve been in in a long time. It’s a constant battle trying to figure out the right balance of freedom vs restriction , surrender vs control but I”m determined to get there no matter how long it takes.

About Last Month

I’m a couple of days late to the show but I thought it was time to post some January reflections. Grab a cuppa, it’s a long one.


I decided in December that moving into 2019, I needed to shift the focus off losing weight and really knuckle down on trying to heal my relationship with food. If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know I’ve been battling with a binge eating disorder for what’s probably been about 6 months now so the weight loss has been slow. I’ve done lots of reading and reflecting and it seems to be a common theme among people who have been restricting for a long period of time so I knew I needed to change things up a bit and take steps to get my head back on straight.


During January I took part in Have Butter Will Travel ‘s back to basics keto challenge. Just the food aspect though. I didn’t take measurements or weigh myself. And while I’d love to report proudly that I got to tick off every day on the tracking calendar, unfortunately that wasn’t the case. But I did do better with the binges than in previous months and I did learn few things.


What I did:


I tried really hard to listen to my body and eat only when I was hungry. For the most part I did ok with this except for on work days. Work days are an ongoing battle and I think I’ll need to put some extra strategies in place to deal with them for a while yet.


I stopped tracking obsessively. Again in an effort to try and trust my body a bit more and because it had become yet another obsessive behaviour, I stopped entering every little thing into my food tracker. I still entered things in every couple of days, but waited until the end of the day just to see how I went as a reflection. As it turns out, most days I did ok, eating around the 2000 cal mark which is considered a maintenance amount for the average person.


I continued to exercise. I made sure I went or my 1/2hr walk at least 4 times a week. Did 10 pushup’s every day and took part in an ab challenge (which sucked btw but I did it). Keeping up with the regular exercise routine was really helpful in making me feel like I was doing ok. Even when I felt like I was spiralling food wise, I knew I was still moving my body and working towards being stronger both physically and mentally.


I lessened my binge days. I had three big binge days this month (down from at least one a week for the past few months!!) Two were all time blow outs including sugary carby foods, and one was a keto binge. I did go away for a holiday where I know I overate but at least kept it to overeating the right kinds of foods for the most part.


I put on weight. I don’t know how much but I can feel it and I’m guessing at least a couple of kg’s. I’m trying just to breathe through it because I know I will get rid of it again. And I think overall this month has been a positive step on the road to recovery.

Keto Christmas?



The question mark in that title is a big one. Honestly, up until the last few days I was determined I was going to stay keto for Christmas but now I’m not so sure. The soul search continues and while I absolutely 100% believe that a low carb keto way of eating is what suits me best it’s definitely time to change it up a little. But more on that later, right now we’re here to talk about Christmas!!!

It’s just around the corner guys! Who loves Christmas as much as I do? I love it for the family gatherings, the traditions the gifts. Just the smell of the paper as I wrap the presents is enough to send me spiralling into the world of nostalgia of Christmases past. But lets not forget the food. How amazing is all of the traditional Christmas food!?

Staying keto for Christmas doesn’t mean you have to miss out. I mean a traditional baked dinner is as keto as can be if you skip the potatoes. And the great Aussie seafood for Christmas tradition? Can’t get much more low carb than that. But what we really want to talk about are the desserts. 

What’s your favourite? Christmas pudding? Gingerbread? Trifle? A good Christmas pavlova?

Luckily there are some fabulous people out there who’ve  managed to convert some of our favourites into keto friendly treats. Leanne at Healthful Pursuit has been kind enough to collect a whole lot of them on her Pinterest page. 

And if you’re looking for something with an Australian twist, be sure to check out Have Butter Will Travel for their fantastic Christmas suggestions. 

Of course there are thousands of people sharing their Christmas recipe suggestions on Instagram and FB at the moment too so let your fingers do the walking and search away people. I’ll be testing out some keto Christmas recipes over the next couple weeks and I’ll be sure to report back on how they turn out. 


Me Oh My Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

Back in my pre-keto days I had a not so brief love affair with the Pioneer Woman’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie and I’ve been dreaming creating a low carb version for a while now. 

Well this morning I did it! I have no idea what took me so long really. But today was the day and this delicious pie was the result. It makes 12 generous serves and is every bit as rich and decadent as the original. Thanks Ree for the inspiration. 

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

Serves 12

Energy 1225kj | Fat 24g | Protein 12g | Net Carbs 7g

Ingredients

Base –

3/4 cup Almond Meal

3/4 cup desiccated coconut

1/2 cup raw cacao powder

1/4 cup powdered sweetener (I used Swerve Confectioners)

125g melted butter

Filling – 

250g cream cheese (softened)

1 cup thickened cream

1 cup powdered peanut butter

3/4 cup powdered sweetener

Method

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees Celsius (moderate oven)

2. Add all dry ingredients for the base to a mixing bowl. 

3. Stir in the melted butter until well combined. 

4. With wet fingers, press the mixture into the base of a flan tin or spring form pan until it is spread in an even layer. 

5. Bake for 10 minutes.

6. Remove from oven and allow to cool. 

7. Add all filling ingredients to a large mixing bowl and beat with an electric mixer (start slow then build up speed to medium) until well combined and there are no lumps. 

8. Spread filling onto base and chill to set.

Enjoy!

Love Thyself Fiercely

I don’t love my body. Never have and can’t imagine I ever will. I don’t have to and neither do you. This can be really hard to accept. Even more so if you’ve worked your arse off to lose weight, get healthy and feel good only to find you’re still not in love with the way you look. But I’m telling you it’s ok. 

Does looking in the mirror and not loving every little thing you see mean you have a poor self image? Absolutely not.

I don’t love my stretch marks, I don’t love my loose skin, I don’t love my left foot that doesn’t bend properly, I don’t love the hormonal pigmentation on my face or my turkey neck or my thin hair or the signs of ageing that are becoming more obvious all the time. But I am still confident, have a positive body image and love the shit out of myself as a whole.  I appreciate and admire my body for it’s strength and resilience. It keeps ticking away  despite how much punishment I’ve put it through over the years. And I know that I am 100% worthy of treating my body with the respect it deserves.

I think sometimes the Body Positivity and Self Love movements can feel like just another societal pressure that we feel the need to conform to and and that’s the last thing we need. Especially those who are breaking through a lifetime of self loathing.  I just want to tell you to take those phrases and make them work for you. You don’t need to love the details, just love yourself enough to treat yourself right. 


Breaking the Binge Habit

Image courtesy of BBC Good Foods

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might know that for the past few months I’ve been struggling with binge eating episodes. Normally only lasting for a day, which is annoying but I can handle it because it doesn’t do too much physical damage in the long term but last week, I had an episode that lasted 4 days which really scared me. I literally stuffed my face with anything I wanted to the point of being full and beyond. I ate until I felt uncomfortable and sick and then ate some more. I haven’t told anyone this except my partner. I haven’t even shared it on social media yet and I tell the world everything, but at the end of it all I got on the scales and weighed in at a massive 95.25kg. Not too bad you say? Consider that before this episode  my weight was 88kg and reevaluate . That’s over 7kg in 4 days. Now I know it’s not all fat and all that jazz but after what I ate some of it bloody well is and I need to do the work to shift it again. I’m on day 4 back on track now and I’m feeling good so now I just need to figure out how to stop it from happening again.

So how the hell do I do that? I’ve googled til by eyes bled trying to find the answer and man some people have some stupid advice don’t they? But there are some good ones as well so here’s some tips that make sense to me. 

  1. Don’t keep foods you’re likely to binge on in the house. – This is something I try to do anyway. It’s easy when my partner is away at work but when he’s home I feel like I need to have different foods available for him so staying on track while he is home is harder in general. My biggest problem is facing my work days because I’m faced with the constant and never-ending supply of binge worthy junk foods. My plan for those days is the same as always. Pack plenty of food so I don’t need to feel hungry and do my best to control the urge. I’m thinking of taking a notebook to work and just keeping track of my thoughts about food throughout the day and keeping tally of my binge urges. 
  2. Share your pain – a problem shared is a problem halved don’t they say? So that’s what I’m doing. Telling everyone. Eliminating the shame and embarrassment because that kind of emotion can just trigger another binge eating episode. So, be open about it. Some people might not understand but who cares. Find your support network and love them hard. We could all do with a little more support right? 
  3. Listen to your body and figure out your triggers – Thankfully I’ve already figured this out. Stress and boredom. In fact I can pin point a particular stressful event that triggered my 4 day event and I’m finding really hard not to shift the blame to the person who caused me the stress (but that’s another episode)
  4. Be kind to yourself – Accept that nobody is perfect, not even you and when you have those days that don’t go so well, forgive yourself quickly and move on. This is so much easier said than done but I’m working on it. 
  5. Set small goals and treat yourself when you accomplish them – not weight goals of course but small mental health goals. Focus on the number of times you’ve managed to control the urge to binge instead of the opposite and shout yourself a non food related treat. 

What pissed me off most about the online advice I found is the most common suggestion for controlling binge eating is to ‘ditch the diet’. I’m sorry but to me that’s just code for ‘eat whatever the fuck you want.’ Obviously not how it’s intended but please don’t try to tell someone who’s been morbidly obese their whole life and still needs to lose weight to ditch the only form of control they have. Seriously. 

Until next time…

PS – In light of tip number 2, I’ve started a Facebook Group attached to my Keto Kylie page. The idea was to create a little support community for people on a similar journey to me or those wanting to embark on one. Click here to join us if it sounds like your cup of tea. 

Weekend Recap

This past weekend was a big test for me in many ways. Firstly, I got on a plane to go to Weipa and as you all know, I’m not a big fan of flying. In fact, when I left 6 years ago I was so excited that I’d never have to get on that flight again if I didn’t want to. Trouble is, I wanted to. Well not the fight specifically but my sister still lives there and I wanted to see her and go to her birthday party and it’s a bloody long drive so I had to put my fears aside and just do it. And I did, even though I was sick and the kids were sick, and I hated leaving them, and I wanted to cancel so many times. But I still did it. And lived to tell the tale.

Then there was the party itself. I had myself worked into such an anxious state about it because even though I was going in with a clear intention not to drink alcohol or overeat, it’s exactly the kind of situation where I’ve found it almost impossible to control myself in the past. I would love to have been able to have a few drinks and relax and enjoy myself with everyone else and it’s not even about the drinking, it’s about the loss of control that comes with it. As soon as I have a couple of drinks I know I won’t be able to resist indulging in all that party food and before I know it I’ve eaten and drank a weeks worth of kj’s in one night. Then comes the guilt the next day, not to mention the hangover which only makes me want to eat more crap. But this time I was strong. In a seemingly impossible situation I remained strong. It was tough, but for some reason I had it in my head that If I could make it though this weekend without giving in to temptation, then I can do anything. I mean, seriously, if I can fly to another town, while I’m sick, just to go to a party then not even indulge and relax enough to really enjoy myself is there anything I can’t do? So yeah, right now I’m feeling pretty fucking invincible.

Seriously Good Peanut Butter Cookies

Ok guys this is no joke. I know I made this recipe up but these are the best Low Carb Peanut butter cookies I have tried yet. They were born of a want to use some of the PB2 Peanut Butter Powder I ordered from iHerb a couple of weeks ago so I threw a few things in a bowl and they turned out amazing! Try them and let me know what you think.

Seriously Good Peanut Butter Cookies

Makes 20 Cookies (1 per serve) Energy: 362kj’s Net Carbs: 2g Fat: 7.9g Protein: 2.7g

Ingredients

  • 1 cup of almond meal (110g)
  • 1/2 cup PB2 Peanut butter powder (60g)
  • 1/2 cup of granulated sweetener. I used Natvia Baking (100g)
  • Pinch of salt
  • 2 Tablespoons Gelatine powder
  • 125g salted butter (melted)

Method

  1. Add all dry ingredients to a bowl and stir to combine
  2. Add melted butter and mix well to form a dough
  3. Roll into balls (approx 2cm diameter) and place onto a baking sheet lined with baking paper
  4. Flatten biscuits with a fork
  5. Bake in a moderate oven for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown

Note: These biscuits will be extremely soft while they’re still warm. Allow to cool almost completely before carefully removing them to a cooling wrack to cool completely. Once completely cook they will be nice and firm and are best stored in the fridge. 

Lets Talk Goals

girl-with-goals

Image courtesy of http://www.over-educated.com

Goals, goals, goals. It’s all I seem to be able to think about lately. Weight loss goals, health goals, mental health goals. It’s all about goals. For such a long time, the biggest goal for me has been about a number. First it was to get to anything under 100kg, then it was to get to an ultimate goal of 85kg, now that that feels just around the corner I’ve been floundering a bit trying to decide where to set my next goal. Everyone says it shouldn’t be about a number. And they’re right, it really shouldn’t. I can say that I’d like to get to 75kg to be able to say I’m literally half the person I once was but how do I know if I’m going to be happy there? How do I know how I’m going to feel there? When you’ve been obese for for your entire adult life, you have no benchmark size or feeling to aim for. I can’t say, oh, I’ll be happy if I get back to X size or X weight because it’s all foreign to me.

So I’ve decided I’m going to try and push the number goals to the back of my mind for a bit and focus on the important stuff.  Publicly acknowledging my food addiction was a massive step on the road to figuring out what’s important and many hours spent pondering the why’s and hows of it all have led me to realise I really only have one goal and that is to heal my relationship with food. Honestly if I could have just one selfish wish, it would be that I could eat intuitively without having to stress that my head hunger will take over and I’ll overeat and fall back into old habits.

Tracking has been such a huge part of my journey so far and with good reason, without tracking everything there’s no way I would have come this far. But it has almost become another addiction in itself, something I need to stay in control but since ultimately I want to be in a place where I don’t have to enter everything I eat into an app for the rest of my life I’m going to trial loosening the reigns for a little while and see what happens. I have the knowledge I need, I just need to trust myself.

Don’t worry, I’m not planning on throwing caution to the wind and winging it. I’m smart enough to know that’s a recipe for disaster but an opportunity has some up that I’m going to take advantage of. Last weekend I went to  Luke Hines cooking demonstration for his latest book Smart Carbs. Long story short due to some flight issues, he had to leave early and was kind enough to gift everyone in the audience free access to his Luke Hines 10 Program

A few years ago I started my weight loss journey with Pete Evan’s  The Paleo Way 10 week program which was an amazing kick start and really cemented my belief in eating a predominantly whole foods from scratch diet and I’m happy to say that for the majority of the time since I’ve maintained that way of eating. So this time around I plan on using the program mostly as a mind reset. To try and let go of some of the stress related to food and get back to basics. Wish me luck! I’ll be sure to keep you updated along the way.

Low Carb Berry Chia Jam

Low Carb Berry Chia Jam I’ve been making my own version of low carb jam for a while now but this weekend I’ve finally gotten around to actually recording what I put in it and thought I’d share it with you. It’s so quick and easy to make, has no artificial sweeteners and is 100% toddler approved (well, my toddler anyway).

As with all of my recipes, they change a bit depending on the day and what ingredients I have on hand so feel free to experiment and enjoy!

Low Carb Berry Chia Jam

Nutritional Info Per 20g Serve :

Energy 70kj’s Total Carbs 2.8g Fibre 1.5g (Net Carbs 1.3g) Protein .08g Fat .04g

Ingredients

  • 250g fresh strawberries sliced into quarters
  • 150g frozen mixed berries
  • 1/4 cup sweetener of your choice ( I used Swerve Confectioners)
  • 2 tablespoons chia seeds
  • 1/2 tablespoon gelatine

Method

  1. Place berries and sweetener in a saucepan over low heat and simmer,  stirring frequently until berries have softened.
  2. Add chia seeds and continue to cook while stirring until the mixture has reduced by about 1/3
  3. While stirring, sprinkle in the gelatine powder and stir until dissolved.
  4. Pour into a clean jar and allow to cool completely before covering and storing in the fridge.