138.1 Yayish

Down another 800g so technically 500g after last weeks 300g gain. You’d think that since I only have another 800g to reach my WW 5% goal I’d want to kick ass this week but I’ve fallen into a slump that has so far lasted for two whole days. I’m hoping tomorrow I can gather the strength to drag myself out of the doldrums. Given the amount of crap I’ve ingested over the past two days I don’t hold out much hope of losing any weight this week but maybe I can manage not to gain any either. I don’t want those 8kg’s back. No way no how. Nobody said this journey would be easy but it’s times like this I realise just how hard it might be.

Breaking the Co-dependence

Last night I bit the bullet and went to Zumba all by myself. Maybe this doesn’t seem like a big deal for some people but it is to me. Even though I’d been for the past two weeks, when my friend called me last night to say she couldn’t make it, my first thought was ‘shit, I really need to go tonight’. And even though I felt that way, I considered staying at home. Then I rang three other friends to see if they could come. Of course they couldn’t, and then I felt sick. Go by myself or stay home? My major dilemma for the day. In the end I obviously slapped myself out of my stupidness sucked it up and went. And it wasn’t so scary after all. I still don’t like rocking up at exercise classes alone but I know now that I will do it. In fact I’ll even go to aerobics by myself this morning to prove it.

xo

138.9 – The Dreaded First Gain

It was bound to happen I guess. I’ve been doing so well for so long and I actually expected it this week since my period was due yesterday. I exercised my arse off last week to try to combat the premenstrual weight gain but obviously it wasn’t enough. And now I don’t have my period anyway, so what’s the deal with that? I fit doesn’t arrive it means my cycle is still out of whack and I wasn’t premenstrual at all which means I’ve got no excuse. Just because I expected it doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with.

I did use up all of my points last week and even swapped out my exercise points on Friday when I ate a hideous amount of bread. I NEVER swap exercise points. The plan says you’re supposed to be able to but I’ve always though it kind of defeats the purpose  and obviously it does. I tried, on a week when I was weak and I won’t be making that mistake again.

I did feel proud of myself for all the exercise I did. My week looked like this:

  •  Sunday – 1/2hr Biggest Loser Wii Game
  • Monday – rest day (well not really rest, but no official exercise because Monday’s are a crazy busy day for me)
  • Tuesday- 20mins resistance training and 1/2hr Biggest Loser Wii game
  • Wednesday – 1hr Pump class
  • Thursday – 1hr Zumba toning class
  • Friday – 1hr Aerobics class
  • Sat – 1hr Biggest Loser Wii game

And still I end up +300g.WTF? I blame it one the bread. Bloody stupid fucking carbs. I’m henceforth banning myself from all wheat products. Potatoes I can resist. Pasta? meh, take it or leave it most days. But bread,  I fucking love bread and last week I tried to reintroduce it in moderation of course and look what happened. It looks like cold turkey is the only way.

Oh and now my back is so sore I can barely reach around to wipe my own arse. Not really conducive to maintaining the exercise routine I wanted. Ho hum. I shall do what I can and see what happens on weigh in day.

xo

138.6!!

Another 1.2kgs this week. Crazy shit! And I’m kinda surprised because I felt like I had a pretty shitty week. I had three exerciseless days. I was sick on Tuesday and home alone feeling sorry for myself and fell straight back into old habits and managed to consume an entire packet of Oreos (which in case you’re wondering is worth 21 points)and then I just felt even shittier knowing I only had 5 points left come dinner time. Bloody hell. I also used up all my weekly bonus points on alcohol on Friday night but danced and danced and danced and hopefully burned up most of the alcohol points with movement. My poor body felt it the next day that’s for sure. See I do this thing when I’m really really drunk, and it’s how I know that I’m really really drunk. You know when you’re drinking and dancing and having a great time and everyone’s doing their thing on the dance floor and busting out their best moves? Well I don’t have awesome dance moves to show off. I have calisthenics. Yep, I can still do the splits every which way and back bends/bridges from standing. I used to bring out the hand stands and cartwheels too until I hurt my knees too many time with drunken uncoordination. Yes people when the calisthenics come out I know it’s time to go home. I did have a fantastic night though and needless to say I stood on the scales with great trepidation this morning. Love being pleasantly surprised.

Weight watchers tells me when I updated my weight this morning that I’m losing weight too fast and need to slow down. How do I do that? I think I’m being pretty sensible about the whole thing. I’m certainly not perfect. I stay within my points. I usually  end up using my entire points bonus by the end of the week and I’m not exercising like a crazy woman so what am I supposed to do to slow it down? I think it will slow itself down soon enough. I’m happy with the way things are going and I know there will inevitably be a week when I don’t lose anything or God forbid actually gain weight. I’m just hoping that packet of Oreo’s doesn’t catch up with me next week because I’m right  on track to meet my next goal. If the scale dips below 138 next Sunday I’ll do a little victory dance 🙂

I hope everyone has had a great weekend. I’m off to do the housework I was supposed to do yesterday, I’m sure there’s eleventy billion loads of washing waiting for me since I didn’t do any yesterday. There are far too many clothes and towels in this house. I think I’m just going to make everyone walk around naked from now on to save on washing.

I’ll leave you with that vision…………Until next time xo

 

What Motivates You?

I was reading this post this morning and it got me thinking about how different things motivate different people. Tina’s post saddened me because I truly cannot imagine what it must have been like to live with self hatred for so long. Although it was ultimately my disgust with myself that triggered my weight loss journey, I certainly haven’t always felt that way. Of course there have always been times that I looked in the mirror and wished things were different, I’ve never until recently looked at my body in the mirror with the self loathing that alot of people go through. Even then it was only my body that I hated. Sure I’m disappointed that I allowed myself to get to that point but I could still see that I was beautiful on the inside. I’ve never let my body dictate what I could and couldn’t do. I’ve never refused a night out/date/meal because I didn’t think I deserved it or because I was embarrassed by my size. My body despite it’s flaws has served me well and not to sound conceited but I have always loved the person I am.

I have only ever been this motivated to lose weight one other time in my life and both times it was the realisation that I no longer loved myself the way I should that sent me into this frenzy. It must take so much more strength to pick yourself up dust yourself off and force yourself to feel worthy of the commitment to lose weight. So today I am thankful for alot of things. I’m thankful, for the inner strength that’s keeping me on this path. I’m thankful that Tina and everyone like her has found the strength to love themselves and despite the million things that he didn’t give me, I’m thankful for the best gift my father ever gave me, the constant reminder that I am beautiful and can do anything I set my mind to. Thanks to him I have always believed that and if that makes me conceited then so be it. I’m happy to be that way.

Mid Week Madness

Just had a little mid week spending spree. Three pretty tops from City Chic online. Love that store! I always go crazy when I’m there in person and now that I’ve discovered their online store I’m more than a little concerned about money matters. After preaching to everyone else that we can’t afford to lashout this month because of school fees I’ve gone and spent $400 on clothes in the last week. Shit. I am proud to announce however that two pairs of pants were a legitimate need because…………..drumroll please……………after only 5.something kg’s my work pants are driving me nuts. They feel fine when I first put them on but after walking around in them for a couple of hours I’m pulling them back up every couple of minutes *happydance*

I snuck in a midweek weigh in after my workout this morning too. Even though I’ve been on track all week I didn’t feel like I was getting any lighter so I couldn’t resist checking. Let me shout it fromthe rooftops -1.1kgs folks. Yep that’s right, officially less than 1kg to go until I’m at my first goal of 140kg. That puts me right back where I was before my foot surgery a year ago.

So let me break it down for ya. My short term goals are:

140kg (about 308lbs or so the online converter tells me) the weight I was when I had my surgery

138kgs the weight I was when I gave birth to H

137.something ( I can’t remember exactly what) which is my  5% goal

130kgs the weight I was when I fell pregnant

126kgs the weight I was when H was a couple of months old

125kgs about the weight I was when I met D

and then there’sthe long haul down to 100kg which at this point is my ultimate goal and according to Dukan, my true weight. I’m not even going to consider looking past there at the moment. Right now I would be deleriously happy to be 100kgs. I haven’t weighed that since I finished high school.I guess there’s always time to reassess when I get there.

For now I’ll just look forward to getting my new clothes in the post, perfectly aware that I’m on the verge of swapping a food addiction for a shopping one. I’m pretty sure shopping is the lesser of two evils. If I spend all my money on clothes I won’t be able to affored to eat anyway to the weight loss will happen. ha! Jokes people calm down. Ahhhh, anyway…off to aerobics in the morning for the first time in a couple of months. I may die. Wish me luck.