Or that’s what it feels like. Let me catch you up on me. Still fighting the battle. Still losing. Lost 10kg towards the back end of last year woot!
Ahh the eveil 10kg jinx. It seems to be my undoing. 10kg yeah! Let’s celebrate for a few days! I will get back onto it tomorrow. Tomorrow comes – I will get back onto it tomorrow – no maybe the next day….. You get the picture. Ahh and so it goes, the never ending circle that is my battle towards a healthy lifestyle.
So since that 10kg loss I have gained back approx 6kg putting me currently at approx 144.8kg and feeling like shit. If only I could hate myself at this size, maybe I could make myself stick to it. But like I’ve said before, for me it’s not about the looks or the self confidence. I’ve always had that in spades (well maybe not the looks but the confidence at least). The difference is I actually feel unhealthy. All the extra eight coupled with getting older makes me feel like I could drop dead at any minute.
The rate at which a person gains and then loses fitness is phenomenal. Just a few short months ago a felt fantastic. Fast forward a few months of being pretty stagnant and it’s a distant memory.
So this day one I’m not doing it for me. Oooh controversial isn’t it. Don’t all the rule books say you have to do it for yourself? Isn’t that supposed to be all part of the road to empowerment? I don’t think so. I’ve tried doing it for me. Numerous times and it hasn’t gotten me very far. Today my son is my biggest motivation. See I might not care what I look like but I’d be heartbroken if I ever heard kids teasing him because because his Mum is fat. He’s 6, and I know he’s aware of it. He come up to me before and told me I’m not fat so I’m sure someone has already said something.
Let us see…..I make no promises, I’m not that naive. But I do have hope. Maybe that’s enough.