So the dietician has asked me to keep a diary. Not a food diary, although I’m really doing that anyway tracking everything I consume with the My Fitness Pal app., but a diary that details how I feel from day to day. Something to celebrate the success and to reflect back on when I’m struggling.

The appointment was great and today I called the surgeons office and officially postponed my surgery until the 29/1. So that gives me around 4 months to prove to myself that I can do this. God I hope so much that the thought of the surgery date lingering there in the not so distant future gives me the strength to keep going.  I’m still feeling positive but I’ve definitely had some negative thoughts in the last day or so. I’ll start with the exciting news, I’d lost 4.1 kgs since my previous appointment (one day shy of three weeks before) and not only that, the body composition analysis tells me that 3.6kg of it was fat and only .5kg was muscle. To top it off I’ve reduced my visceral fat by a good amount. Got to be happy with that. I walked out of there feeling on top of the world, with a new plan in hand and excited about the future. For the next couple of weeks I’ll be transitioning off Optifast. Have two a day this week and adding more real food and cutting down to one a day next week and then the following week cut it out all together. And even though it’s exactly what I want and I’ve tried to prep my head for it, I’m so scared the weight loss will stall because inevitably once I’m back to eating real food full time my kj/cal. intake is going to be higher than it was on Opti and I worry that I’ll stall or even, god forbid, gain some weight while my body adjusts. I’m trying really hard to breathe deep at the moment and tell myself it’s ok and it’s to be expected but it’s a struggle. So while I am most definitely still committed to the journey, for the first time in a while I’m starting to question how long I’ll be able to fight the demons in my head.

I also know I need to kick the daily weigh in habit in a big way. But then what would I use for my post titles? Man I need a drink.

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